I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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