if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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