I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
