her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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