like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
