Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
soo... how was my night?
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