We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
you never un-have a 4some
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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