he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
