If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
