He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
