Your tits are I can't wait for
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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