OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
