Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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