hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
