is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
