I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
