I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
