my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
