I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
