I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
