im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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