this beer tastes like vomit already
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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