it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
