Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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