And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
