??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
