Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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