My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
