if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
