you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
