so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
