Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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