my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
