ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
