If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
