I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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