How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize