3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
