We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
