this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
