i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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