and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
