She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
