i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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