Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Two words: nipple clamps
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