one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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