Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
