if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just want to make out with him forever
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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