sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
