Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Randomize
