Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
