Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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