I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
