I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
