my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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