Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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