Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
