Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
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