i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Randomize
