JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
i believe in u and ur pee
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
