well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
