rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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