dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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