I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Green mimosas i think yes
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
