Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
