U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
