I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize