It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
