Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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