I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
